Shidduch Assessment Questionnaire for Boys

Boy’s Shidduch Assessment Questionnaire for assessing girls during the dating process


Basic Character

Is she a happy person? How do you know?

What kinds of things upset or anger her?  Does she stress out easily?

How does she handle stress or anger?

Are most of her statements about people positive?

Is she flexible?  Can you see that she can give in?  How do you see that?

Do you feel that you can rely on her?

Is she a giver or a taker?  Could she be described as “high maintenance”?  “Entitled”?

Your Relationship

Do you trust her?

Do you feel that she respects/looks up to you?

What do you admire about her/what does she admire about you?

Does she want you to change?  Do you hope she will change after marriage?

Do you feel that you can be completely yourself with her?

Does she “get” you?

Can you and she disagree?  How do you handle disagreements?

How does she react when something goes wrong?  When there’s a mess up or miscommunication?   Are you made to feel that it’s always your fault?

Can you problem solve together?

Do you enjoy being with her?

Do you find her attractive?


Relationships with Others

How does she get along with her parents? Her siblings?

What are her friends like?  Are you comfortable with her circle?

Did she ever have a difficult roommate? How did she manage that?

Does she have a Rav or a mentor from high school/seminary?

Compatible Hashkafas

Are you comfortable with the way she dresses?  Do you share similar tzniyus standards?

Do you agree on the kind of household you would have?  The type of community?  What kind of Yeshivos for your children?

Have you discussed media exposure?  Internet use?

Compatible Personality

Does she have traits that annoy you?

Is there anything about her that you would like to change?

Do you feel that she needs more time/attention/affection than you might be willing to offer?

How does she spend her free time?

Do your strengths complement each other?  Can you help each other grow?

Marriage/Motherhood-Related Questions

Is she kind, good-natured, patient, tolerant?  Does she criticize easily?

Is she willing to grow?  To learn new skills as wife/mother?

Can she live within a budget?  How do you know?

If you are planning longterm learning, is it realistic to expect her to be happy with a lower standard of living?

Does she seem organized?  Effective at getting things done?

Have you discussed her expectations of how much her husband should help with housework and child care?

Does she have experience with kids?

Has she been involved in chessed activities?

Compatible Style

Do you like the way she dresses?

Do you feel she puts the right amount of stress on her appearance?

Do you like how she expresses herself?  Is she too loud?  Too introverted?

Are you comfortable with how friendly she is with strangers?  With men?

Her Plans

Does she want to live in a specific place?  Close to her parents?  Eretz Yisroel?

Do you share similar ideas about how long you should learn?

If she wants you to learn, does she have a viable career plan to support you?

Are you comfortable with her career plans?  With supporting her while she gets a degree?

Are you in agreement about whether it’s desirable or feasible for her to be a stay-at-home mother?


How do you like her family?  Could you handle staying with them for an extended period if it were necessary?

Is she capable of being independent of her mother?

Does she seem comfortable with your family?  How does your family feel about her?



  1. While I find both assessments to be excellent tools, by their differences they promulgate the stereotyped roles we seem all too ready to thrust on girls vs. boys.

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