Shidduch Assessment Questionnaire for Girls

Girl’s Shidduch Assessment Questionnaire for assessing boys during dating process

The questions on this page are designed to help a girl clarify her feelings and attitude towards the boy she is dating.  This questionnaire may also be useful in the shidduchim preparation process to help a girl formulate what she is looking for in a boy, and understand which characteristics are important to her.

Basic Character

Is he a happy person? How do you know?

What kinds of things make him upset or angry?

What does he do when he is angry or upset?

Is he flexible?  Can you see that he can be “mevater”?  How do you see that?

Are most of his statements about people positive?

Your Relationship with Him

Do you feel safe with him?

Do you trust him?

Do you respect/look up to him?

Do you feel that he respects you?  Does he want you to change?

Are you able to communicate with him about any topic?

Do you feel like you are completely yourself when you are with him?

Are you attracted to him?

Is he appropriately complimentary towards you? How do you see that he likes you?

Does he seem positive about your friends? Family?

Can you and he disagree?  How do you handle disagreements?

How does he react when something goes wrong?  When there’s a mess up or miscommunication?   Do you tend to feel that it’s your fault?

Fitness for Marriage

Do you see that he is capable of being a Baal HaBayis? Making decisions?

Do your experiences with him show that he is a competent person?

Does he drive responsibly?  Can he accept directions from you?

Do you see that he is financially responsible?

How Does He Relate to Others?

How does he speak about his parents? Warmly? Distantly?  His siblings?

Who is his closest Rebbe? Why did he connect with this particular Rebbe?

Did this Rebbe ever advise him to do something that was difficult for him to do? How did he react to that?

Does he have close friends?

Does he call his grandparents on a regular basis?

Did he ever have a difficult roommate? How did he manage that?

Who does he confide in?

His Plans for the Future

Where does he see himself raising a family? What does that place offer?

Where does he see himself in ten years? Chinuch , business, Rabbonus?

Are these plans that you are comfortable with?  That you can support?

His Values

What does he consider a very bad Midda in a person?

How do you know that he has Yiras Shomayim?

Is he cynical about people/yeshivos/rabbanim/chumros?

How does he speak about Jews that are not frum?

How does he speak about non-Jewish people?

What challenges has he taken on?

What accomplishments is he proud of?

What does he do in his free time? i.e. Friday afternoons, Motzai Shabbos?

Beliefs/Hashkafos Relating to Marriage

How does he feel about working mothers vs. stay at home mothers?

How does he feel about your pursuing a degree?

Will he help with physical aspects of raising children, i.e. changing diapers?

Would he be willing to help with any of the chores around the house?

General  Characteristics/Compatibility

Are you comfortable with how he expresses himself?  What type of language when he’s angry or excited?

Are you comfortable with how he dresses?

Are you comfortable with how introverted/extroverted he is?

Is he friendly with strangers to a degree that you are comfortable with?

Which summer does he consider his best, and why?

What does he like to do on Chol HaMoed ?

Are you proud to walk next to him?

Would you be proud to introduce him to your grandparents? Teachers? Friends?

How do you see him fitting in with your family? With your brothers?

What might he have to adjust to about your family?

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