Writing Shidduch Resumes


    Shidduchim Resumes

    The information provided here reflects the shidduchim system as it is practiced in Yeshivish-oriented circles.  In other circles, the system may be different.

    The Function of the Resume

    The purpose of the shidduch resume or profile (another word for the same document) is to convey basic information about a boy or girl.  This makes it easier for shadchanim to understand the single’s background and for parents to find out more about a shidduch prospect.  The resume is not meant to advertise or properly describe the boy/girl; typically, the parent or the person who presents the resume also describes and recommends the single.  Shadchanim often have a large collection of resumes, all pretty similar.  Parents are expected to check with the shadchan regularly to see if s/he may have a shidduch prospect for their son/daughter.  It is this advocacy that makes resumes stand out and circulate.

    Resume Basics

    The resume should contain the basic facts about the boy/girl: name, birthdate, height, education, camps, and extra-curricular activities.  It should also include basic information about the parents: names, birth place, occupation, shul affiliation, and the siblings: age, educational institution, and name of spouse if applicable.  In more Yeshivish circles, the grandparents’ names and birth places are also stated.  Both the full Hebrew name and the name that they are known by, should be spelled out.  Some families do not allow children with the same name as a parent to marry into their family.  It is very helpful to shadchanim to include the parents’ home address, home telephone number, and both parents’ cell phone numbers.

    At the end of the resume is a list of references and their contact information.  References typically are family friends, personal friends, former Rebbeim/teachers/seminary principals, roommates, and colleagues.  Where possible, it is more convenient to include cell phone numbers.  An important reference is the family Rav, since many parents perceive having an ongoing relationship with a Rav as a good indicator of the family’s commitment.  If the Rav is hard to reach, it is helpful to add a preferred time to call.

    Resumes make a better impression if they look neat and well-formatted with consistent headers and fonts.  Content should be made to fit within a single page.  It pays to have someone else proofread the document for spelling and grammar errors.

    We have shells of two sample resumes at the end of this post.

    Some singles include a statement about themselves or about what kind of person they seek to marry.  Many Shadchanim in Passaic recommend that the resume present only the basic facts.  People are less likely to read through a long resume.  In addition, resumes are sometimes examined very intensely.  Parents of a shidduch prospect might reject a resume based on something they read into a harmless statement.  Moreover, since a resume may circulate for years, it is best not to incorporate material that may change over time.

    That said, it might be a good idea nevertheless for someone from a non-standard background to include a sentence or two about themselves or about what they are looking for, to make it easier for Shadchanim and parents of a shidduch prospect to understand who they are.

    Parents may supplement the resume by creating a “cheat sheet” with a more elaborate description of their child, to use when speaking with shadchanim and people who enquire about their single.

     

    Include A Photo?

    There are different schools of thought about including a photo in the resume.  It is a good practice to follow the norm in one’s social circle.  If everyone else includes a photo in the resume, omitting the photo makes a shadchan or parent wonder what the single is trying to hide.  On the other hand, including a photo is frowned upon in some Yeshivish circles as trying to “sell” the person on his/her looks.  Another argument against including a photo is that it may give the other party a reason to reject a shidduch out of hand if they have preconceptions about their future spouse’s appearance.  For example, a boy from a family of brunettes may not be used to blondes and therefore think that he cannot marry one.  If he would meet the girl, he might see beyond the hair color.

    However, it is a good idea to send the shadchan a picture with the resume, since this helps keep the single in mind.   If the parents do not want the picture to be sent to the other party, they should send the picture separately rather than together with the resume,  and they should state their preference to the shadchan .  Note: Rabbi Levi and Rabbi Lewenstein of Lakewood do not use pictures.  Nonetheless, some parents of boys will only consider shidduch proposals after seeing the girl’s picture.

    Choosing References

    The references listed on the resume should be selected carefully.  The best references are positive, outgoing people who are able to speak enthusiastically and articulately about the single.

    While prestigious references may make the resume look good, it is more useful to list people who know the family or the single well, are accessible and have the time to talk.  It is appropriate to consult references before putting their names and telephone numbers on a resume.  This is also a good opportunity to update the reference about the single and to discuss how to explain potential problems that the other party may discover while investigating the prospect.

    Sample Shidduch Resume Form

     

    Name of Boy/Girl

    Address

    Birthdate

    Height

    Parent’s Contact Information: telephone number(s)

    Home Address

     

    Parents

    Father’s name , birthplace, occupation

    (optional) Grandparents: birthplace, current city

    Mother’s name, maiden name, birthplace, occupation

    (optional) Grandparents: birthplace, current city

    Shul Affiliation

    Rav & telephone

    Education

    Elementary school

    High School / Mesivta

    Seminary / Bais Medrash

    Job-related Education

    Camps

    Employment

    Volunteer Chessed or Kiruv Activities

    Siblings

    Name, age, where they are being educated, occupation , if married, to whom and where they are living

     (Optional) Looking For

    Family References

    Names & telephone numbers

    (optional) Mechutanim (parents of siblings’ spouses)

    Personal References (friends, roommates, chavrusas)

    Names & telephone numbers

    Yeshiva Bochur's Shidduch Resume Form

     Bachur's Full Hebrew Name

    Birthday

    Height

    Home Address

    Home phone #

    Cell phone #

     

    Father's complete Hebrew name

    Father's occupation

    Father's cell phone #

    Mother's complete Hebrew name , mother's maiden name

    Mother's occupation

    Mother's Cell phone #

     

    Family Rav (name and telephone)

    Shul:

     

    Bachur's Rav - Moreh Derech (name & telephone)

    Current Rosh Chabura (name & telephone)

    Present Yeshiva:

    Mesivta:

    Bais Medrash:

    Camp:

    Recent summer program:

    Eretz Yisroel (how long- whose shiur):

     

    Siblings (name, age, school, married to whom, from where and where currently living)

    Family References (at least 2 - include cell no.)

    Bachur's References (at least 1 roommate, 1 chavrusa, & 2 other friends - include cell #)

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